And God spoke in an exceedingly loud voice that made the whole Universe tremble and The President of Earth feel as if he was going to get a right royal judgement like he hadn't received since childhood.
Hair Loss Retin A, "I don't care how many humans you represent. Humans are hardly evolved from apes. Ever heard of 'Thou shalt not kill'. Instead of throwing nuts, you throw explosive containers at each other. So where's the big improvement?"
God, who looked like a sort of huge brown furry slug with loads of large multicoloured tentacles that rotated rapidly to fan his heavily perspiring body, Hair Loss Retin A india, continued in a booming voice that seemed to come from everywhere.
"As for 'loving thy neighbour', most humans seem to think it's an automatic license to commit adultery with each other's wives. Compare this with the perfection of the Slime Colonies on Amorphous 2843.345, Hair Loss Retin A. Being hermaphrodites, they don't have messy, complicated sex. When their planet needs more Slime Balls, they just expand to fill the space. So much simpler, Hair Loss Retin A mexico, so much more sensible and ..."
God extended a green tentacle to poke the President of Earth on his bulbous nose.
"No adultery, whatsoever. How would you like to keep up with all the goings on and all the complicated relationships of your insignificant little world. Hair Loss Retin A, Especially when a whole load of you humans insist on weekly confessing your sins. I've heard it all before."
He prodded the President's nose again.
"And I'm BORED!"
The President of Earth spluttered, shifted uneasily from foot to foot and wished he was wearing some clothes - or at least his Presidential Chain of Office. This God thing just didn't seem to know who he was talking to.
"But I've always tried to keep the 10 Commandments, Hair Loss Retin A canada, " he countered, tremulously.
"Silence Ape-man," God boomed. "I could go through the list of Commandments one by one. But, quite honestly, and there's little you humans know about honesty, I can't really be bothered, 150mg Hair Loss Retin A. I don't expect it would do any good."
One of God's tentacles flipped out and painted a moving picture on the wall of this huge, empty white chamber, Hair Loss Retin A. The President thought it looked remarkably like Wall Street in heavy traffic. God continued:
"Your whole human economy is based on getting as much benefit as you can for as little as possible. What do you call it. Oh yes, Capitalism. Haven't you ever heard of 'Thou shalt not steal'?"
Hair Loss Retin A, Another tentacle shot out and painted a moving picture on another wall. The ground was barren and parched. 40mg Hair Loss Retin A, A rust colour pervaded the sky and everything appeared dead. The President thought it looked a bit like Mars.
God read the President's mind.
"Of course it's what you call Mars, dunderhead. What you don't realise is that your Mars was once like Earth. It was full of life and happiness and definitely no apes, Hair Loss Retin A. The highest form of life was a rather attractive worm-like species. They lived happily for millions of years wriggling around. But the idiots evolved to have fourteen tentacles and then there was no stopping them. Before anybody could give them a bit of advice, 100mg Hair Loss Retin A, they'd polluted their atmosphere by racing around the surface of their planet in machines that belched out carbon dioxide. Hair Loss Retin A, Global warming settled in, which they talked about a lot but basically ignored, and soon they were extinct."
The President squared his bony shoulders and raised his hands in a gesture of supplication, well practised in front of the TV cameras at home.
"But there must be some living thing on Earth worth saving. And, wherever it is, as The President of Earth, I represent it, and, 250mg Hair Loss Retin A, if it's worth saving, so am I."
The President of Earth felt quite proud of this argument especially since he'd thought it up without the help of any advisers - something that was almost unheard of.
God's voice became gentler and infinitely loving.
"There is one species that is perhaps worth saving and, I have to confess, they have a simple beauty that is quite endearing."
The President started to jump up and down with excitement with a big silly grin on his face.
"They are, they are, they are worth saving and I represent them so I'm worth saving too!"
"So WHY DO YOU KILL THEM with your horrible SLUG PELLETS, you monster. All they want to do is eat something green and tasty, 20mg Hair Loss Retin A. WHY DO YOU POISON THEM WITH YOUR SLUG PELLETS?"
God's voice increased in volume to a deafening roar.
A tentacle lashed out and gave The President a huge prod that sent him spinning head over heels backwards. He landed badly, bounced and felt a pain in his chest as his body slumped back again.
The President of Earth opened his eyes cautiously and was confronted with a room full of surgeons in their gowns. Electronic equipment whirred and beeped, Hair Loss Retin A. A pretty nurse was holding his hand and speaking comfortingly in a soft Irish accent.
"You're all safe now, Mr President. Just relax. Hair Loss Retin A australia, You're in St Mary and Joseph's Hospital. We thought we'd lost you but you'll be all right now."
A tear of relief rolled down the old President's cheek.
"There, there now," said the pretty Irish nurse. "Just relax and, if you can, try to get some sleep."
As the President closed his eyes, he resolved to issue a worldwide edict when he was well again.
If he never achieved anything else in the rest of his life, Hair Loss Retin A craiglist, he would definitely get slug pellets banned!
(On-line author - fiction - news)
Enjoyed the main character in this story. Try We Three Kings.
Copyright Rob Hopcott 2007. All characters in this and other free on-line short stories, flash fictions, micro-fictions or short short stories on this site are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person living or otherwise.
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