Media speculation that Q. is a five hundred year old ghost was strongly denied this morning by erstwhile employer, laughaholic and Cafe Hopcott proprietor, Rob Hopcott on his return from Venezuela.
Allegedly, Q. first caught the attention of the press when he jumped into a lake to demonstrate how to drown but didn’t.
Party goers, made up of escapees from a local holiday camp, some rather burly firemen (with very sweet smiles) and a rooky reporter from the Spellthorpwood Clarion, looked on in amazement as Q., said to be a non swimmer, sank no fewer than 50 times before jumping out the lake with a big smile on his face.
Later in the evening, in front of hundreds of newly arrived party going student nurses, he showed off more skills with a series of hand stands and cart wheels. One onlooker commented
“Clever stuff, but how can he do it on the water? And he’s not even getting wet.”
Rob Hopcott, failed comedy writer, legendary humorless stand-up comedian and planet Jupiter real estate salesman, complained
“The media are now in a boat floating offshore watching us and putting our customers off their coffee cake. It’s very worrying because they will make up any story. Probably next they’ll be suggesting that Dacky is a dog and Dacky’s job managing Cafe Hopcott’s Public Relations is exploitation. I ask you! He’ll probably bite them and we’ll have even more problems.”
“Harassment from the media is upsetting our other staff too. Viking Warrior, our Chief Security Officer, has already started collecting boulders from the sea shore and has warned all our workers that pike thrusting staff training will be replaced tomorrow morning by ballista loading and shooting in a seaward direction.”
“Somebody is bound to get hurt, and, given that the ballista is very inaccurate, the MI5 secret service officers, who the milkman says are watching from the hillside in heavy disguise (see picture above), are in real danger. I tried to warn them but they just kept pretending and making bleating sounds.”
“Q. can’t concentrate on cleaning out the chocolate jacuzzi because the media are yelling for him to come out and see them all the time. Okay, he’s light on his feet, so he can walk on water – big deal! Perhaps he is nearly 500 years old! They should wish him happy birthday, get over it, get on with their lives and let us get on with ours.”
“Really, there is nothing special about Cafe Hopcott, except really poor service, with a smile, and free hugs. Plus, just about everything else is free too, come to think of of it – damn, I hadn’t realised that!”
“And those Ghostdusters guys who are wandering around waving an old vacuum cleaner are just plain getting in the way of Nurse Cath who is trying to open up a Respite Centre for Under-Stressed Firemen (or was it Under-Dressed – I’m so confused).
“All I can hope is that the media don’t discover the Rift in the Space-Time Continuum over by the herb garden. Hoppy has been growing some interesting stuff there and swears it’ll put you on another planet and we don’t want the media trampling all over his plot when he’s making everybody so dreamy and happy.”
“Were under a lot of pressure to find ideas for marketing Cafe Hopcott to regenerate this rural area with themed short break weekends.”
“We’re offering free virtual holidays of hugs and cactus bush trimming for the best ones, if you’re interested 
“
“Er, wot? You are the media! Gerroff my property – go away or I’ll set the un-dead on yer!”
The End is Nigh – believe it!
This short humorous sketch, about an alleged media ghost story (denied) and humorous stand up comedy at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright humorless online humor author Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.
All characters and places in this over long short humorous review are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.
It’s just a bit of a chuckle, a laugh, corporate humor, you know, office humor, a bit funny ha ha, vaguely resembling a stand up comedy, a humorous presentation or even a tragedy!
Woe is me!
Wot? Nurse Cath is real? Does she know this? OMG, we’d better cancel plans to ballista her out to sink the media rowing boat!
(Beats brow)
And everybody is getting hugs these days except me 
Er, any chance of a hug?
